Monday, August 30, 2010

Two Cheese not one

Ever since the two cheeseburger meal left the McDonalds menu there was a void in my life. No longer could I go get something that would both satisfy my hunger and fond childhood memories. It was an easy to digest happier meal, unlike some of those monsters on sale today. Who would have thought that two cheeseburgers could cause so much happiness. I recall as it flowed through my bowels like happy children roaring down a waterslide. But most of all it made gave me the desire to become successful. Because in life no one person can go at it alone. And just like a person the cheeseburger also needs a companion.
If I was working at McDonalds I wouldn’t be working I would be eating cheeseburgers two at a time just like they were meant to be eaten.
Come on it was a top seller. And compared to its fat brother the double cheeseburger it tastes a lot better. Please help bring back the two cheeseburger meal at McDonalds. Until then my life will not be whole.

Monday, August 16, 2010

What a bloomin blueberry.

At first this post was going to be about Subway's Steak and Bacon "Melt" (that I just now realized didn't even have cheese) but after one too many Subway disappointments, I don't think their squishy dusty meat sandwich even deserves any more words. That floppy bacon was ... okay that's enough.

After the sheer boredom of the sandwich above, my desire was not yet quenched by the eternal flame of satisfaction.
As I walked out of the food court, the $13 and 19 cents on my TimCard was burning a hole in my shirt pocket. Something had caught my mind on their digital screen and it looked explosive.
Tim Hortons is by no means my favourite place in the world (I've had donuts from Safeway that sometimes tasted better) but the colour and shape of their new donut reeled me in like a fat carp.

The sprinkles were the first thing I noticed.
Like the outside of a Good Humor Bar, the fruity crunch was like eating a fireworks show for breakfast.
The donut itself was soft and squishy ... like a cloud offering its pillowy body as a bed for those firework ashes to rest on.
But the chemical blueberry goop was the thing that sold me.
Working my way through the donut, the explosion of blueberry slime in the middle was like a revelation to my taste buds. I felt like a lab rat who had just been pumped full of his daily dose of delicious chemical sludge; his belly full and happy while scientists monitered his results.
I will always be thankful to Tim Hortons for this experience. If it wasn't for them, my day may have been ruined by that pale "steak." And I look forward to the $12.26 remaining on my card so I can have this donut 13 more times.